No point making life perfect.

It's been quite sometime since I last blogged. But maybe today I should.. Cos I just feel the need to.

I'm just wondering.. What does it take to be a good gf?

I know I don't have EVERYTHING that a guy look for in a girl.

But don't I deserve a chance to be pampered?

When I tried to be abit 'manje' just to get a lil sweet attention that I crave for, he'll say that I'm childish and like a kid.

Sometimes I do wonder where do I stand in this relationship?

And why is he in a rship with me?

I know he used to say that actually he's not ready for a rship.

And he feel like we rushed into this rship too early.

And that he said that it looks like I syg him liao and it's already like 'terlanjur'. Sooo if he wanna back out, macam tak baek kan. 

And he grew to love me slowly..

Sooo... Every now and then when I thought of that, I feel remorseful.

I know he loves me now and we've gone a long way.

But it's just that teeny bit feeling deep inside.

He's always being egoistic and gets worked up over every single tiny stuffs.

I do get worked up too (more than him and worst) but I do have my PMS.

Can't blame a man for being a man I guess...

But sometimes when I see other couples being very sweet and stuff, I do get jealous.

And I feel that I'm being too soft at times. And also too overprotected.

Sometimes I'm afraid of saying things that I feel should be voiced out cos I'm afraid of losing him.

Sooo some things I do keep inside. And whatever issue I raise will lead us to a huge massive arguement. So might as well forget it right..

I also feel bad every now and then cos I've neglected my friends.

Come to think of it, I feel VERY, VERY bad.

They've been there for me thruout the years I'm single or going thru any kinds of shits. Helping me in any way they could.

And now, when I already have someone to lean on, I just chuck them aside like an old record.

I really feel like a sore loser. 

Maybe my bf just feel like he''s got the power cos he's older and he's the man in this rship.

And I'm always sooooo insecure and sooo afraid of losing him.

Sooo maybe he feels like if I do anything, he can just poke me with my pasts and flaws to make me lose the arguement. And I won't drag the arguement for too long cos I'm just too afraid of losing him..

Well, that's what I thought laa.. Dunno if it's for real or not.

Thru these 10 months, I've been very confused and patience tested.

Too much lesson learnt and heartaches. 

Maybe this is what it feels like to be in a long term relationship. Especially with a fucking egoistic guy. 

These are parts and parcels of life anywaaay.

My life already suck, so why bother making it perfect?

I'm new to this long term thingy. Sooo.. I still needa get a hang of it.

Slowly but surely I guess..

Patience is virtue.. Patience is all it takes. 

Patience and perseverance..